The Princess Weiss
by Raeshiel
Summary: Ouka lives in a small house in the countryside of Florin...


The Princess Weiss Please note that I own nothing in this little piece of work, not even Ran Fujimiya,*sigh*.  
  
Ouka lived in a small house in the countryside of Florin. Her favorite pastimes were riding her horse and tormenting the boy who worked there. His name was Omi, but she never called him that. Isn't that a wonderful beginning?  
  
Ouka: "Flower boy, weed my garden. If I see anything ugly you'll get it."  
Omi: "Ask you what? Wait...what was my line? *pulls out a script* Oh! As  
you wish. That's a stupid line.  
  
That's all he ever said, "As you wish." It took Ouka a while to understand that what he meant was, "I love you." And even longer to realize that she loved him back.  
  
Omi: "Huh? Her? Where does it say that?*flips through script* Oh."  
  
Sad was the day when Omi had to leave for Japan, so he could have money to marry. But he promised that he would see her again. No matter what. But after only a few days, Ouka got the news that he was killed by the Dread Pirate Nagi. When she got the news she went to her room and cried her little chibi eyes out and listened to his carousel song and lamented for days and days that her Omi-kun was killed. But one day Prince Crawfordink decided to get a girlfriend. Having a penchant for girls with blue hair, and since Aya was in a coma, he decided on Ouka. She couldn't care less, but hey, who can argue with a prince?  
  
Youji: "But wait! She doesn't match with Crawford, um, dink! He's too  
tall for her! What will they wear to the wedding! You can't do this to  
me, Crawford...dink."  
Crawford:"As my trusted fashion consultant Youji, I know you'll come  
up with something. Deal with it."  
Youji: "*mutters under his breath*Yeah, I know you know, damn  
precognizant."  
  
Ouka could do little to resist, she was taken by Count Takatori to the castle and told of Crawfordink's plans to go out with her. She shrugged. At least it wasn't Youji.  
  
Aya: *tries to run onstage* "SHI-NE!" *Nagi telekinetically holds him  
up in the air backstage until Takatori leaves*  
  
AS I WAS SAYING...after a while she didn't mind so much. She got anything she wanted, even though it was really boring holding a conversation with Crawfordink.  
  
Ouka: "Did you know that ..." Crawfordink: "Actually I did." * Ouka sighs*  
  
Ouka's only solace was her daily horse rides. One morning she ran into three men, one was tall with red hair and a glare on his face, and the other with bright orange hair, held with a bright yellow bandana. The last was covered in little cuts, and had a patch over one eye. His white hair was butchered short.  
  
Schu: "Good morning miss. We are three assassins, looking for someone  
to kill for money..."  
Aya: *glares at Ouka*  
Farfie: "Schu said minds taste good like honey."  
Schu: *clearly expecting Aya to have said something* "...and we...uh...wanted  
to know if there was anyone you knew around open to...uh...death...oh hell,  
just grab her."  
  
Ouka was kidnapped(nah, really?). By whom, she didn't know, she could only hear bits of conversation. It seemed that the orange haired one talked to himself, for the scowling man spoke very little, although the orange eyed freak seemed to have a habit of sadistically rhyming with whatever anyone said.  
  
Schu: "Alright, pick a number one through 8,438,746,729,859. Got it?  
Alright...it's 4. Am I right? Well, I mean of course I'm right. Got  
another one? Aw, come on, no one plays this game with me!"  
Farf: "Let's see how sharp my knives can be."  
Aya: "..."  
Schu: "Are we there yet...good...okay...who's going to kill her? You don't  
want to do it?...'kay Farfie will. I think...yes, I...ooh, low blow, Aya. No  
abusing my home land."  
Farf: "Can I slice across your hand?"  
  
Ouka was wondering about the sanity of this orange haired man, and that of the scary Irishman, when the scowled one, Aya? stood up and said, " Why are we here?" She got up to look. It was a tropical beach with palm trees. It looked very pretty. It...Hey!  
  
Schu: "Like the halfway point? I took a small detour. We leave her on  
the boat, and go get something to drink." Aya: "..." Farfie: "I hurt God with what I think." *cackles*  
Ken: (With a director's hat and megaphone) "Schuldich! No drinks  
until afterwards! You're messing it up! You said you'd do this, come  
on! And take this down!" *rips off the wallpaper and pulls up cliff  
scene* "There! Now get it right, I've got to talk a minute with  
Farfie. I know he wants to be onstage, but you know how he is." *walks  
backstage with Farfie*  
  
*sound of blender, and laughter* "Farfarello, no, not backstage! What  
a mess!"  
  
Aya: "We'll just go then. We'll be back before he's done."  
  
While Schuldich and Aya went for drinks, Ouka tried to free herself. But it didn't work. Her hands were tied to her feet, which were tied to her elbows, which were tied around her middle, and then the rope twined just about all over in various knots. Not long after Farfarello came back, grinning from ear to ear. Schuldich and Aya came back later, both wondering why the thing was still there. But nonetheless, Schu stood at the front of the boat, looking outward, then down at Aya. Then outward. Then at Aya. After an uncomfortable long silence...  
  
Schu: (whispering) "Aya, it's your line." Farfie: "A knife in time kills nine." Aya: "Is not." Farf: "Bodies rot." Schu: "Is too." Farf: "I've killed two..." Aya: "Is not." Farfie: "I've tied their guts into a knot." Ouka: "I'm seasick." *proceeds to throw up all over the deck*  
Schu: "Is that the line?" *turns to look* "Oh mien got. I'm going to  
be sick." *throws his head over the edge of the boat* Farf: *grins* "He's hurting God." Aya: "Someone's following us." Farf: "I..." Schu: "Shut the hell up, Farf!"  
  
To Ouka's surprise, he did. Then Schu looked up, surprised as well.  
  
Schu: "Hey! There is someone following us! Is that supposed to happen?" Farfie: "Yep."  
  
Ouka was taken to the cliffs of insanity, where she supposed she was to be murdered. But some mysterious man in orange was following them. After hurrying up the face, Schu instructed Aya to stay behind and take care of the intruder. He and Farfie were to keep going.  
So Aya waited. And waited. And waited. Finally a breathless man dressed in orange and wearing a mask clambered up the edge, breathing hard and heavy. Aya looked at the yards and yards of extra rope just a little to his left. Must have been a long climb. Oh well. He looked down at his breathless foe and drew his katana. This was too easy. He walked over to the man.  
  
Aya: "Nice sweater." Man in Orange: "I couldn't find the black, and this was the only stupid color... *sees who it is* Uh...thanks." Aya: "Get up. I'm supposed to kill you and I want to get this over with."  
M.i.O.: "But...don't I get a fair chance? A phone call? A life  
line?"*sees Aya shaking his head slowly* "Okay."  
Aya: "You seem familiar. Have I tried to kill you before?"*menacing  
step forward* "Are you a Takatori?"*eyes narrow at the word*  
M.i.O: "A Takatori? Me? No. Wait a sec, are you looking for him?"  
Aya: "Maybe; you know him?"  
M.i.O.: "Shortish stocky guy with white sideburns that make him look  
like a koala bear?"  
Aya: *nods*  
M.i.O.: "Yup. I'll tell you where he is if you let me go."  
Aya: "Hn."  
M.i.O.: "He's at the castle with prince Crawfordink, and if you hurry  
you might catch him at home.*begins to talk faster* Not that he has  
much of one. But how would I know that, I mean I'm not a Takatori, I'm  
not even related to him, so really what do I know, except where he is.  
I saw him at the castle, that's all. I wasn't doing anything up there,  
nothing really important. I just got a call from Youji, who wanted me  
to come over and..."  
Aya: *perfectly silent, but resheathes the sword and jumps off the  
cliff*  
M.i.O.: *begins to freak out seeing this man jump off the cliff, but  
is relieved to see the red haired swordsman walking calmly to his  
boat* "How does he do that?" *thinks about what a nasty mess it would  
have been to fight Aya* "Whew."  
  
And so the man in orange got past the greatest swordsman(who, by the way, is almost never hit by bullets either) in Florin. But next he had to get past the scary Irishman. For Schuldich had left him and gone with Ouka, who began to annoy him with complaints about how her feet hurt and she wanted a rest and wasn't there any service here and she was baking under the stage lights, and she was about to retire to her trailer, even with her wrists and feet loosely tied...  
  
Farfarello: "What do you want?" M.i.O.: "The princess." Farf: *licks knife*"Don't got her." M.i.O.: "Oh, well, then I'll just be going." Farfie: "I'm not sure if I can let you do that." M.i.O.: "It'll hurt God." Farfie: "Okay."  
  
After that grueling trial of skill, the man in orange finally made his way to the notorious telepath. Ouka was blindfolded on a rock, and Schuldich had set out lunch. An apple was shoved in Ouka's mouth (wonder why) and Schu was drinking a mug of German beer.  
  
Schu: "No, you can't have her." M.i.O.: "Can we..." Schu: "No." M.i.O.: "How about..." Schu: "Can't." M.i.O.: "Well then..." Schu: "That either. Or that. Nope, no, and no. Don't even think about it. Oh, you thought about it, now you're in big trouble. " M.i.O.: "Stop that, it's annoying." Schu: "It makes things go faster. Now...hey. What is that supposed to be? What on earth are you thinking about? Pink bunnies...Fluffy shirts...Youji...Oh god!" M.i.O.: *holding his head* "Nooooo!"  
  
Becoming frightened at this mental inspection, the man in orange signaled with his hand, and the orange haired psychic went flying into a rock, knocking him out cold. A figure came out from behind a rock.  
  
Nagi: "That's for putting hentai on my desktop." M.i.O.: "I thought it was Youji." Nagi: "Joint effort. What was with the bunnies and Youji?" M.i.O.: *quickly* "Nothing." Nagi: *odd look at the queer man in orange* "I'll just take Schuldich home then."  
  
The pirate levitated Schu's unconscious body and walked away trailing it, making sure it hit plenty of hard objects on the way. The man in orange went over to Ouka and took off her blindfold and the apple from her mouth. She immediately pelted him with questions and after five straight minutes of nonstop talking, he put the apple back in her mouth, keeping her wrists tied.  
  
Crawford: "Good idea." M.i.O.: "Hey, you're not supposed to be here! How did you know where I was?" Takatori: "Because he knows everything." M.i.O.: "You're Takatori, oops. Someone's looking for you." Takatori: "He should have gotten you too, you're a Takatori as well, Omi." Omi: "How'd you know it was me?" Crawford: "Schu." Ouka: *spits out apple* "Reiji Takatori is Omi's father? Does that make me his sister?" Crawford: "I could have told you that one." Omi: *eyes widen and he falls on his knees and cries to the world* "Dosh- de!" Takatori: "Actually, he's your cousin, but close enough." Ouka: "Oh gross! I can't believe it...Ugh!" Crawford: "We'll be going now, Omi."  
  
And so Omi was left alone above the cliffs, while Crawfordink rode off with his cousin(Dosh-de!), with nothing but a major headache, sore knees, and a complex. Poor Omi.  
  
Meanwhile, back at the castle...  
  
Crawford: "Reiji, there's someone hear for you." Ouka: *exasperated and sick of this know-it-all American* "Can I go yet?" Crawford: "No, but we'd best be going."* leaves with Ouka * Takatori: "What?"  
Aya: *jumps onstage sword drawn* "Shi-ne!" *runs his katana through  
Takatori, who falls dead*  
Ken: "Nooooo! Aya, you're supposed to say your line!"  
Aya: *glares*  
Ken "You're supposed to say, ' Hello my name is Ran Fujimiya, you  
killed my parents and ran over my sister, prepare to Shi-ne.'  
remember?"  
Aya: "..."  
Ken: "Come on...you can do it."  
Aya: *smiles*  
Ken: *backs away, scared out of his wits* "Aya..."  
Aya: *cruel grin, all girls get nosebleeds* "Hello, my name is Ran  
Fujimiya, you're annoying the hell out of me..."  
Ken: "Aya please..."  
Aya: "SHI-NE!"  
  
The end  
  
Farfarello: "I throw knives at people, it's fun" 


End file.
